Yay! We are now officially active with both agencies that we're working with! In the last post I explained about the delay with one agency because of missing paperwork. The day that post was made public I received confirmation from the agency that the paperwork had been received! Usually, at that point the agency has their social workers review our home study and make sure everything looks good to them before they start to match us, but they said because of the confusion with the paperwork that they would go ahead and consider us active while that step was being done! It has since been done and we received another confirmation via a letter in the mail that everything was good to go!
Since then, we're waiting. Some of you have asked about the process at this point, and what exactly we're waiting for. One of our agencies will call us when they have an "available situation" that they think we are a good match for. The other agency has a password protected web page that we were told to check. When they have available situations they post the race and gender (if known) of the baby, and the due date and fees that apply with each situation. If we are interested, we contact the case worker for more details and decide if we would like to be presented to the birth mother. In both cases, the birth mothers look at portfolios from different families and makes a decision about who she would like to adopt the child. (Both of our agencies right now have a large number of families waiting to adopt and have not had many birth mothers at this time.) When the birth mother makes a decision we will get a call to let us know if we have or haven't been picked. If we are picked a phone conversation is arranged between us and the birth mother and the rest of the journey goes from there.
Waiting is hard. Especially in the case of the one agency when I have the ability to check and see if there is anything on the web page. I put a shortcut on the home screen of my phone to make it easier, which of course means I push the button about 10 times per minute it feels like! Until Saturday, nothing at all had be posted there.
We have been presented with some options that we have decided to decline. This sounds crazy because we are very anxious and want to be presented to as many birth moms as possible! We are extremely flexible and open to most situations that may come available, but there are a few details that we just aren't comfortable with. We want to be careful. We are praying constantly to follow God's plan for us during this time. We want to be sure to not turn away and be closed off to something just because it's not perfectly comfortable for us. We've learned that God often calls us out of our comfort zone for His purposes! We don't want to be disobedient to something He is calling us to. However, we also don't want to jump into a situation that isn't right for us and our family simply because we are anxious and impatient. We want to make sure that the future will be stable and safe for baby. We are praying for God's direction when we make these extremely difficult decisions and trust that He knows the plans He has for us. We just want to be faithful to follow where He leads.
I hesitate to say publicly when we are being presented just because there are MANY people being presented to the same birth mother. It's easy to get our hopes up and get excited about even the smallest possibility. But we want to inform our family and friends so you guys can pray for us and the birth mothers and babies that we are told about. With that being said, we are being presented this week to a birth mother who is pretty far away. We were told so much information about the birth mother; her family, her thoughts, physical characteristics, hobbies, past and current living situations, how/where she grew up, and health information, as well as a little information that is known about the birth father. I was surprised about the amount of information that was given to us, but thankful. Even though the information at times is disturbing and honestly unnecessary as we aren't picky about what baby we will call ours, it's nice to be informed and to know that this case worker is thorough and has a relationship with this birth mother. We told the case worker that we were interested in being presented to this birth mother as possible adoptive parents. The birth mother had said that she was looking for a couple who couldn't have biological children, who were christian and would raise the child in a christian environment, and who would give the child opportunities to play sports growing up! Wow! We seem to have exactly what she's looking for as far as those things go! As I said before, many profiles will be given to her to pick from, probably between 15-20. It's easy to get excited and to think about what if this will be our baby, but we understand the situation and the process and take comfort in knowing that if God has chosen this baby for us, it will happen, but if not, it won't.
We are learning more than ever how to trust and be faithful and that, as cliche as it sounds, God really is in control. I know I say it in about every post, but we have to cling to that reality right now. I am the kind of girl who likes to have everything planned out, at least the important things anyway. Money, nursery furniture and design, clothes, supplies, etc...everything that needed to be would be prepared before baby got here if I were pregnant and had my say! (I know even with pregnancy things don't always go as planned, but you get what I mean!) With adoption, it's not always that way. IF this particular situation were to be a match, there are a lot of things we have to figure out. The fees this adoption will cost is more than what we had originally anticipated. When thinking about a timeline of adoption fees and normal bills and when our next paychecks will arrive, it's hard not to get worried. We are also looking at a LOT of travel expenses as far as airline tickets there and back (with baby items to check), and food and lodging for up to 2 weeks! We also understand that there is a possibility for the birth mother to change her mind after we are there, meaning a lot of money for airline tickets and broken hearts if we returned without a baby. Not to mention the cost of baby stuff that we don't have yet. It's been suggested to us and we've chosen not to buy anything for baby yet due to not knowing when we will have a baby, whether it will be a he or a she, etc. We discussed going ahead and getting a crib, dresser, and rocker to at least have that here when we get home, but at this time it looks like we need to keep all money we can in our account to cover adoption fees and travel expenses. Aside from expenses, we need to figure out a lot of other things. For example, how to stay in a hotel with a newborn for 2 weeks and then how to fly home with an infant! (If anyone has any tips, we're open to hearing them! :) )We are also faced with being away from our jobs for a long while (but not knowing when that might be) and preparing for our students to be taken care of while we're gone! There are so many things we'd like to prepare now, but can't. When I start thinking about some of these things I feel silly, like I'm getting way ahead of myself since we don't yet have a baby. But at the same time we are expecting at some point and I feel so far behind!
Yes, this is a lot of personal stuff to share. It's so easy to get overwhelmed and worried about the future, especially when you're used to planning the important things ahead of time! But I am finding more and more that God is teaching us and reassuring us each and every day. While all of the unknowns are scary and seem like such big things, God really is giving us a peace about them. They are all such small things for Him. We know that when the situation is right, we need to follow and trust that He will work all things out for His glory.
Thank you, again, for your support! Your prayers mean so much to us! Continue to pray for the birth mothers, and specifically this one, who is deciding in the weeks to come who she would like to raise a child she is carrying. Pray for God to give us wisdom and guidance during this time as we make important and often difficult decisions about the adoption and the future. Pray that we are faithful to trust and follow through each step of this journey.
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